Scary Thoughts

You know, a thought occurred to me earlier as I was dropping Drew off at his babysitter’s that deeply saddened me.  During Drew’s surgeries and post-op care, he will be losing his independence, albeit a short time.  But, with his adorable booty scoot gone and what I can only imagine as a large awkward device drilled into his leg, he’s not going to be able to get around easily, or really at all.  If I thought that I was exhausted from having to lug him around before, I’m really going to be eating my words come May.

Which makes my search for a place to live even more difficult.  Not only do I must have a ground level living arrangement with a porch that is no higher than 20 inches (so Drew can take his wheelchair inside) but now I have to look for an open floor plan so he can get from room to room at his own free will.

I kind of wish that there wasn’t so much time between our initial consult with Dr. Paley and the actual surgery.  It definitely has its benefits: time to prepare (raise money, make living arrangements, organize plans, etc.) But I can’t ignore the disadvantages: time to prepare!  I’m a Virgo which makes me a natural worrier.  Did you know that West Palm Beach is the 14th most dangerous city in the US?  It is, I discovered this little known fact while searching for living arrangements.  During this same search, I’m pretty sure I found a gang of black market criminals luring unsuspecting females into a sex ring operation with a beautiful estate home for an unbelievably good price.  What if Drew is miserable and makes me miserable?  What if I can’t handle working and dealing with all of this?  What if something goes wrong with the surgery?  What if Drew resents me for putting him through all of this? I’m highly subject to anxiety.  This isn’t going to be good for my soul.  I do my best to remain positive, but deep inside, there is a pessimist screaming to get out (but the whole world is against her).

Give me some time and I’m sure I’ll turn myself around.  I’m just having a panicky moment right now.  I’m losing my focus which should be at the end of this year when he’s walking.  I still can’t believe that it has been this hard.  We’ve been seeing orthopedic specialists since he was very, very young and we relentlessly searched with confidence and gusto.  Now, we’ve arrived at our goal of finding surgical solutions for Drew that will result in him walking and I’ve lost my confidence; I’m filled with anxiety and confusion.  We have a little over three months until we relocate to Florida which is even more time to dwell.  Time to dwell is not a good thing for natural worriers.  Sigh…that is all.

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Kathleen Gill says:

    We went through this two years ago and I won’t lie to you it is physically taxing, but we made it through with help from a very willing and able staff at her daycare so I could still work. We also celebrated a birthday and attended a family reunion and celebrated at the end of the summer with a trip to the beach after the cast was off. You can also take pride in the creative ways that you will find to keep life as normal as possible. As far as resenting you, I highly doubt it. My daughter was 4 and then turned 5 during the recoop time. Because we had to keep weight off of her leg completely for the first few weeks, she had to use a diaper just in case we couldn’t get her to the bathroom fast enough. She understood and we went back to normal mode as soon as she got her walking cast. You will also be amazed watching him recover and rediscover how to do things. Try not to worry and know that the surgeon may not have all of the answers–i.e. wheel chairs, riding in the car seat, and anything else you may question. Use all of your resources–the surgery scheduler, therapists, nurses, etc. to get the answers you need for each situation. Hope this helps. Best wishes to you and your family. It will come all together and you will be amazed at your strength and your son’s.

  2. Malia Isaac says:

    Although my son’s situation was different, I still had the same worries and fears and doubts as you. Sometimes I look back and wonder how in the world I kept my ‘head above water’, but love has no limitations. You’re a loving mom and you will find a way 🙂 Remember, God has a plan.

  3. Melissa Wilson says:

    It’s understandable how worried you are. God is with you and He is with and will be with Drew during his surgery and recovery. Just remember to give it all to Him and He will take care of all. I work at MES as a custodian and see Drew daily. He is a blessing and will love you and your husband for doing what you do for him. He’s a trooper so evidently, you guys are doing what you are suppose to. May God bless and keep you and you will be in our prayers. It will all work out.

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